


Ka-Boom!

by Zorro_sci



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Science Boyfriends, guilty!Tony Stark, hurt!Bruce Banner, lab accident, supportive team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-12 14:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2114010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zorro_sci/pseuds/Zorro_sci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lab explosion leads to an explosion of guilt and self-blame for Tony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Get Out!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ME](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ME).



> For "Me" who asked me to write something where Tony accidentally hurt Bruce and felt guilty. This is the first of two stories inspired by that request.

"Tony! Get out of here!" Bruce yelled in a near-panic.

The engineer stood frozen in front of his workbench, seeming not to register the words, so Bruce ran over and grabbed him by the wrist and started frantically pulling him toward the exit. He looked over his shoulder and realized there wasn't enough time. He summoned as much strength as he could, and pushed Tony toward the lab doors.

"JARVIS open the doors!" Bruce commanded.

He watched as the doors opened just in time for Tony to tumble through them. 

"Now close them! Quick!"

Thankfully the AI had anticipated the instruction and closed the heavy doors before being given the command, because no sooner had Bruce said the words than the lab was rocked by a major explosion.

The vibration from the explosion seemed to snap Tony out of his daze. He clambered to his feet from the hallway floor and stared at the lab doors, there wasn't even a dent in them, despite the way the ground had shook. The doors were completely blast proof, given his less-than-stellar record of blowing up the lab too many times to count, but the sound was still deafening.

He realized, feeling a sharp stab of panic in his gut, that Bruce was still inside. The panic was quickly followed by relief when he remembered that his boyfriend would be fine. The Big Guy would come out, and he could easily handle your run-of-the-mill lab explosion. He sighed. He was the luckiest man in the world, his boyfriend had a Hulk life insurance policy.


	2. Containment Protocol

"J, let me know when Big Green calms down enough for me to survey the damage," he remarked casually.

"Sir, the Hulk did not make an appearance," JARVIS informed.

"What! That means he stayed Bruce!" he cried, his heart starting to race. "I need to get in there! JARVIS, open the doors!"

"Negative, sir. I am not authorized to open the lab under the current conditions," the AI intoned.

"What?!? What 'conditions'?!? Open the door!!" 

"I am sorry, sir, but Dr. Banner is unconscious and bleeding profusely. According to the safety protocols he put in place, no one is allowed into an area contaminated with his blood without full radiation protection gear or Dr. Banner's authorization. As he is unable to give authorization, the lab is currently on lockdown."

"Override Stark-Alpha-three-four-two-seven!"

"I'm sorry sir, but that and all of your override codes are invalid. Dr. Banner used the code you gave him that could not be overridden by you."

"Dammit, JARVIS, I need to get in there! Bruce is hurt! You said yourself that he was 'bleeding profusely!' How can I help him if I can't even be in the same room as him!"

Tony crashed to his knees, hysterical and trying not to cry.

"I contacted SHIELD's medical team. They are on their way with the proper equipment," the AI said as soothingly as a mechanical voice could be.

It appeared that there was nothing Tony could do except wait. Wait and hope that Bruce's injuries weren't so severe that the delay did any significant damage. The thought was sickening, settling heavy in his gut, and making him give up the fight to hold back his tears.


	3. Waiting Room

Tony had watched helplessly as a group of SHIELD medics in radiation suits had converged on Bruce's still and bloody form. They worked with a practiced urgency that belied how serious the situation was. Tony, for his part, was frozen in the hallway, nausea cresting over him as he watched the team of medical professionals try to save the love of his life.

They reluctantly allowed him to travel with them when they transported Bruce to SHIELD headquarters. Then they left him standing alone in front of the main desk as they rushed back into the emergency room.

Tony wandered to the waiting room and numbly took a seat in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. He hid his face in his hands and, for the second time since the explosion, he let himself break down.

The rest of the Avengers, (minus Thor, who was off-world), arrived shortly afterward. He was vaguely aware of their presence, but made no move to raise his head from his hands. Even as Steve settled into the chair beside him and put a hand on his shoulder, he seemed to ignore them.

"How are you doing, Tony?" Steve asked gently.

For a moment it looked like Tony wasn't going to answer, but then he spoke up bitterly, "How am I doing? Bruce is fighting for his life, and it's all my fault. He's not supposed to be able to get sick or hurt, but somehow he got hurt trying to keep me safe."

"Keeping other people safe is what he does; it's what we all do. It's not your fault that he got between you and the blast. You couldn't have stopped him," Clint commented.

"Really? Well, was it his fault that I froze, so he had to drag me out of the lab? Or was it his fault that I caused the explosion in the first place? I overloaded the circuits on the new larger repulsors I was making, and they blew up. That's all on me. So Bruce getting hurt is on me," he ranted; he paused to swallow thickly. "And if he . . . . It'll be my fault."

He broke into bitter sobs, not even bothering to hide the fact he was crying. This unnerved the others a little. They had rarely seen the billionaire cry, and whenever they had, he had done his best to hide his tears. That he was willing to cry so openly spoke to just how much he was hurting.

"That's not going to happen," Natasha said firmly. "He's strong."

She moved a little closer to Tony, but made no move to touch him. They sat in silence as Tony's sobs faded into whimpers and then soft snores. He had cried himself into exhaustion.


	4. News

_A doctor walked down the hall, his pace deliberate and measured. He walked over to Tony's chair and looked down on him with unreadable features. Tony felt his heart start to race. Everything was a little **too** neutral._

_"Mr. Stark?" the doctor questioned._

_"Yes?" he answered weakly, his mouth going dry._

_"We did all we could, but despite our best efforts Dr. Banner did not survive the surgery. There was too much internal damage from the explosion. I'm sorry," the man in blue scrubs said evenly._

_"What?!? No. This can't be real. This is a dream! It has to be! This **cannot** be real," Tony said in a panic._

_This was wrong. Bruce wasn't supposed to be able to get hurt. He couldn't die! This was wrong!_

_"Wow, Stark. I hope you're happy. Your recklessness cost Bruce his life. I can't believe you were so selfish._

_You're not the man to lay on the wire. You're the guy who throws someone else on it!" Steve chastised him, his blue eyes cutting into Tony like steel with their disgust._

_"No!" Tony denied._

_"And you actually had the nerve to claim that you loved him? You don't love anyone but yourself. He deserved better than you, and now he'll never get it," The captain continued to berated him._

_"No! No! Bruce can't be dead! It can't be true!"_

_But even as he screamed his denials at the top of his lungs, Tony knew that Bruce was gone. He knew because of the painful, empty feeling filling his chest. Bruce was gone and it was all his fault._

_The realization knocked the wind out of him and made it hard for him to breathe. He gasped and panted, but still didn't seem to be able to draw air into his lungs. Not that he deserved to continue breathing anyway . . ._

Tony awoke with a start when someone shook his shoulder. He turned toward the hand still resting there and found Steve looking at him, his eyes soft and filled with concern. 

"Mr. Stark?" a voice in front of him said.

He turned toward the voice and saw a man in blue scrubs. Probably a doctor. He felt his heart rate pick up and had to consciously keep his breathing even.

"Yes?" he said, his voice sounding scratchy and weak.

"Dr. Banner is still in surgery. He has several internal injuries from the impact of the blast. We're still trying to control all the sources of bleeding. 

We have, however, determined what prevented the Hulk from making an appearance. A tox-screen showed he had high levels of three different tranquilizers in his bloodstream. In other words, a Hulk-suppressing cocktail. There are enough drugs in his system to prevent him from transforming for at least twenty-four hours, if not longer. Given Dr. Banner's unique physiology it's hard to be precise," the doctor informed.

Tony nodded numbly, "Thank you, doctor."

The doctor walked away and Tony seemed to crumple in on himself.

"'A Hulk-suppressing cocktail'? When did he take that?" Steve asked.

"Last night," Tony said miserably. "I helped him create it."

"Why?" Clint questioned.

"Bruce was afraid he would Hulk-out during sex, so he begged me to help him find a way to temporarily suppress the response of his sympathetic nervous system so he couldn't Hulk-out. We worked together and came up with the cocktail. Last night we decided to test it," he said guiltily. "I could have sworn we only gave him enough to hold back the Hulk for a couple of hours, but we must have miscalculated the dosage. . . . . . I told you this was my fault! I essentially took away his protection and then threw him into danger!"

"Stop it, Tony! This isn't helping Bruce!" Natasha cried.

"She's right. Blaming yourself won't do anyone any good. Least of all you," Steve agreed.

"And Bruce will need you when he wakes up," Clint contributed.

"You mean 'if'," Tony said mournfully.

"That's enough!" Natasha shouted, her voice almost quavering, and a flash of sorrow momentarily covering her face in a rare show of emotion. "He's still alive. He's still fighting. Stop acting like you've already lost him! You don't get to give up on him! Not if you really love him!"

Tony stared at her, unnerved by her words and the honest show of emotion. 

"Natasha," Clint said gently.

She met his eyes briefly and then walked away. Clint flashed a helpless look at Steve and followed her, leaving Steve and Tony alone.

"I guess I'm not the only one worried. I should have been more considerate," Tony said eventually, staring down the hall Natasha had used to leave.

"We're all worried," Steve admitted. "You're allowed to be scared, Tony."

"Thanks for the permission, Cap," he responded bitterly.

"That's not what I meant. I was saying that Natasha understands why you said what you did," he clarified. "She knows you're scared, but she is too."

"Of course I'm fucking scared!" Tony shot back. "I'm terrified. Every time I see a doctor walking this way I can hardly breathe. I'm afraid they're going to tell me he's gone, and I can't face that. He's my whole world, Steve! I don't know what I would do without him."

"Then let's pray you never have to find out," Steve said, bowing his head.

Tony wasn't really the praying sort, but he figured it couldn't hurt, so he bowed his head and joined Captain America in a prayer.


	5. Out of Surgery

"Mr. Stark?" a woman clothed in blue scrubs asked.

"Yes?" Tony prompted, swallowing down his panic.

Steve rested a hand on Tony's shoulder in support. It was both comforting and unnerving that Cap was trying so hard to keep him calm.

"I'm Dr. Hurd, the primary physician for Dr. Banner. He's out of surgery. We believe we were able to stop all the sources of bleeding, but he lost a significant amount of his blood volume. His heart went into arrhythmia during surgery, and he needed to be resuscitated. He's in the ICU now, and we'll be monitoring him very closely," she informed.

"Can I see him?" Tony asked hoarsely.

He was surprised he had been able to find his voice at all, given the news she had just told him. Still, he was choosing to focus on the good. Bruce was alive.

Both Steve and Tony looked at Dr. Hurd expectantly, hoping that she would respond affirmatively. 

"You can," she said simply, looking at Tony, and then turned toward Steve, "but unfortunately the rest of the Avengers cannot. My apologies, Captain. I know the team is close, but the ICU is family only. Mr. Stark is listed as next-of-kin, but the rest of you, I'm sorry but you're not related by blood."

"I understand," Steve said nodding stoically. 

While he understood the policy, he was slightly disappointed. He thought seeing Bruce might help calm the team's worry, especially Natasha, who seemed uncharacteristically affected by the situation. He had also been hoping that they could trade off shifts at Bruce's side so Tony didn't wear himself out keeping vigil by his boyfriend. The plan probably won't have worked anyway, but now they couldn't even attempt it.

He watched as Tony followed the doctor, hoping that the billionaire wouldn't worry himself into the hospital bed next to Bruce. Tony, for his part, was completely oblivious of Steve's eyes following him. His attention was single-mindedly on getting to Bruce.


	6. Don't Leave

Tony followed Dr. Hurd through what seemed like a maze of hallways and ended up in a small room furnished with a bed and two hard, plastic chairs. In the bed was Bruce, who was laying completely still and looked as pale as the white bedsheets, (minus the deep purple bruises that marred large portions of his uncovered skin). Tony imaged there were many similar bruises under the papery hospital gown as well.

He couldn't look away from his lover's face as he crossed over to the chair that was positioned closer to the head on the bed and sank into it slowly. Dr. Hurd left quietly as Tony took Bruce's hand in his. He brought the hand gently to his face and softly pressed it to his cheek. Then he gently kissed the back of it and returned it to the bed, but kept his fingers intertwined with Bruce's.

The steady beeping of the machine next to him registered in his ears as he continued to keep vigil. He quickly developed a love-hate relationship with the sound. It's high pitched beep said hospital so clearly that it set Tony on edge, but despite the anxiety that the sound caused him, the last thing he wanted was for it to stop. He welcomed every rhythmic, annoying blip because they declared that Bruce's heart was still beating, and that was a beautiful proclamation, especially in light of what he had been told minutes earlier.

"Bruce, I'm here. I'm right here," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? . . . You don't go anywhere either, alright? . . . Don't leave me."

He swallowed thickly to try to avoid letting himself get choked up again, but it was a losing battle. Tears welled in his eyes and made Bruce look blurry, but he refused to look away or let go of Bruce's hand long enough to wipe the moisture off of his face.

"You have to wake up. . . .because I need you. . . .and the team . . . .they need you too. Natasha's gotten all weird . . . .she's actually showing emotion. She's worried about you, Bruce . . .so you need to wake up so things can go back to normal, and she can go back to being creepy and emotionless."

Tony forced a watery smile, and then fell silent again. He gently squeezed Bruce's hand with his own, and imagined him squeezing back to try to comfort him, like he had done so many times before.

"I'm scared," Tony admitted, his voice barely audible. "I'm scared because you never get hurt, and to see you now . . . .and I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry because it's all my fault. I should have been more careful . . . I should have listened when you told me to run . . . I should have never let you test the hulk-suppressants . . .and I should have never pressured you to have sex. 

I'm so sorry. I know I'm a screwup. I know I'm the reason you're hurt . . . But please, please, don't leave me. I'm so scared you're going to go . . . And I don't know what I would do. I'm not sure I could go on . . .especially not when I _know_ it's my fault . . . Please, Bruce." 

His strained confession broke down into sobs that wracked his entire body; his grief out in the open and laid so bare that a passing nurse looked away to avoid watching what seemed like a very private moment.


	7. Blame Game

Doctors and nurses made their way in and out of the room for the next several hours. Tony learned to ignore them unless they addressed him directly. They did their assessments, took some notes, and left. It was during one such visit, as whichever doctor was on shift now scribbled down some notes, that Tony felt the hand held tightly in his own squeeze back. 

At first he thought he had imagined it. Wishful thinking borne of sitting there so long waiting for any sign of Bruce waking up. He had all but written off the gesture when it happened again. 

Positive that he had not imagined it this time, he gazed expectantly down at their joined hands. Bruce's thumb had started to travel gently back and forth across the back of Tony's hand, just like it always did when they held hands. Tony smiled and lifted his eyes back to Bruce's face and found him staring back at him.

"Bruce," he whispered almost reverently.

"Tony, what happened?" he asked, his voice sounding abused.

"Lab explosion," Tony said distantly.

Before he was able to answer the question further, the doctor, (whose name Tony didn't know, he hadn't introduced himself when he had started his shift), descended on Bruce. He re-checked his vitals and asked him dozens of questions while he wrote furiously in the folder he was holding. A few minutes later, he had summarized the situation for Bruce, and seemed to be satisfied with the information he had gathered, so he left the two of them alone.

"So . . . There was a lab explosion? And The Other Guy didn't make an appearance?" Bruce questioned.

Tony nodded, not trusting his voice as he thought back on what had happened.

"Well, at least we know the suppressant cocktail worked," Bruce commented.

"Too well," Tony muttered.

"So we lower the dosage next time," he shrugged.

"Next time? Bruce, there isn't going to be a next time," Tony said incredulously.

"We hit a setback. That's no reason to give up. We just respond accordingly. It's more potent than we thought, so we use less so the effects don't last as long," Bruce reasoned.

"A setback?!? Almost dying isn't just a setback! And it _**is**_ a pretty damn good reason to stop the experiment!" he shouted.

"Tony . . ." he started gently.

"No! The experiment is over! I don't want to be responsible for hurting you again. You almost died. I blew up the lab . . . .and you almost died. . . I almost killed you!" Tony persisted.

"It was an accident. Lab accidents happen, Tony. It's not your fault," Bruce said gently.

"Really? Who put so much pressure on you to have sex that you were willing to take a drug cocktail to make it happen? Me. Who helped you design said drug cocktail? _Me._ Who overloaded repulsor circuits and caused an explosion? _Me._ Who froze like an idiot in front of said circuitry while it was sparking, and needed to be rescued so he didn't blow himself up? _**Me.**_ I fail to see how this isn't my fault," the billionaire argued. 

"Who _wanted_ to have sex with you so much he searched for a way to do it safely? Me. Who _asked_ you to help create a Hulk-suppressant? Me. Who _hasn't_ had a lab accident at least once? No good scientist on the planet. Who _chose_ to get between you and the blast because _he loves you too much_ to let you blow yourself up? Me. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. This is just as much my fault as it is yours," he counterpointed.

Tony gaped at him.

"Tony, I don't blame you. Don't blame yourself," Bruce continued softly.

"You're too good to me," Tony said, shaking his head slightly in disbelief.

"Impossible," his boyfriend replied with a grin.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Alright, let's get back to doing this right. I'm supposed to be taking care of you, and _you_ are supposed to be focusing on getting better."

"Is that so?"

"Mmm-hmmmm. So you better get used to it. Because I'm not going anywhere. I plan to be by your side constantly until you're back to one hundred percent."

"Doesn't sound too bad."

"Never know. I might get sorta clingy. . . .and bossy."

"I guess that's a chance I'll have to take."

Tony kissed the back of Bruce's hand tenderly, and then instructed him to get some rest. 

The guilt was far from gone, but it wasn't overwhelming anymore. He was also pretty sure they were still going to have it out over the Hulk suppressants later, but everything was going to be okay. Tony was sure of it.


End file.
